Non-Negotiable Terms & Conditions
First of all, congratulations on surviving another year. We're all very proud.
However, there are some ground rules we need to establish before any celebrating can commence.
As the birthday celebrant, you are hereby legally obligated (in the court of friendship) to feed me pasta. This is not a request. This is not a suggestion. This is a binding agreement you entered into the moment you were born on this day.
*Failure to comply will result in passive-aggressive comments and disappointed looks.
Step 1: You make pasta
Step 2: I eat pasta
Step 3: We celebrate your birthday
Step 4: More pasta (optional but encouraged)
Q: Do I really have to make pasta?
A: Yes.
Q: What if I don't know how to cook?
A: Order it. Steal it. Manifest it. I don't care. Pasta must be provided.
Q: Can we have cake instead?
A: Cake is dessert. Pasta is life. Both are required.
Q: Why are you like this?
A: It's your birthday, not a therapy session.
Happy birthday, Dishiii! I hope your day is filled with joy, laughter, and the knowledge that you're making me pasta. You're amazing, and most importantly, you're about to get me pasta.
Now get me paaastaaaaaa. 🍝❤️